Simple Ways To Love Others Better

Loving those close to us, is so important to living your best life. Everyone could learn to love others more, whether that be your family, your friend group, your co workers, church family, the other students in your class, or the people you pass on the street everyday -we need to learn to love them better. 

Most of the time we forget to care for those around us. We can get caught up in only thinking about life from our perspective, and what directly affects our world. But we all need care, and people to lean on. Everybody is going through something that is hard for them. Living life can be difficult for everybody, but when we are surrounded by others who love us well, life becomes something we can work through, and not work against.  

At the end of the day, we just want someone to notice our struggles. We want to be loved, and to feel cared for. Some of us may have great people in our lives that are that support and love. I brought you some simple ways you can learn to start loving others better. These tips are ones you can use for your close and personal relationships, or for the relationships that are not as deep, but are still ones you want to care for (co-workers, class or team members, neighbors, etc.). 

So let's begin.

1. Be the first to smile.

A lot of the time, we underestimate the power of a free smile. No one smiles enough. Have you ever found yourself staring at someone unknowingly, and when they noticed you, they simply gave you a big smile, instead of a weird look away? It probably made you feel at ease and more comfortable about the whole situation didn't it? A situation that would normally be uncomfortable, but is now a positive interaction because of that person's simple decision to smile. 

People are not that complicated as we make them out to be. Something I've realized recently, is that people just want to be noticed. Whether it's someone saying hello and waving, or just smiling as you pass them by. They just want someone to acknowledge their presence. At the end of the day we all just want to be accepted by someone, or something. The people who seem the most uninterested in others, are usually are the ones who are just waiting for someone to be friendly, and notice them. And who knows -we never know that person's situation. I know it can be kinda scary at times, but have a little courage, and be the first one to smile. It could be the one thing that person has unknowingly been waiting for, or counting on to get them through the day.  

2. Listen without expectations.

A part of loving someone well and being there for them, is truly listening and letting them talk, without any personal expectations. It's letting them talk about something that has been on their mind, and focusing on them for that time (not thinking about what you want to say, or what they can do for you instead). Even if they are not really making sense, they may just need to get those feelings out, and process them out loud. Sometimes, they don't even want you to help fix their problem, they just need someone to listen. In those moments, just try to be fully focused on what they are saying to you. This goes for the everyday conversations, as well as those deep ones. Listening is a learned skill. But truly slowing it down and listening to someone, without any expectations, for the conversation or the individual, can be a really loving thing to do. 

3. Allow them to be real.

This goes hand-in-hand with listening. Allow them to open up, and allow them to speak! A part of listening to someone well, is giving them permission to be real, and honest. A lot of the time, we have expectations for them or have our own thoughts about the situation. When we say those thoughts to them, that we don't give them to chance be real about what is really happening. They may not want to share things with you, because they are afraid of what you might think of them. Allow them to be real about their struggles, by taking a step back and removing your own thoughts and judgments about it.

What would you open up to someone about, if you knew they would listen and give the you room to be real?

4. Patience is everything.

Being patient with people, is one of the most respectable qualities one could have. People can be hard, and more frustrating than anything else. But to me, I really feel that being patient with others is one of the most selfless acts of love. When we are patient with others, we help them work through their struggles and allow them room to grow. If you want to love others better, be patient with where they may be in life, with their awkwardness, their faults. Having patience with people, is putting your interests in the back seat for a moment, and attempting to understand theirs. If you want to take away one thing to remember for today, remember this one. It is the probably the most important out of all these points. 

Once we start being more patient with others, we then can listen better and allow them to open up and get the support they truly need. 

As I said earlier, we can get caught up in only thinking about life from our perspective, and what directly affects our world. But how often do you see others reaching across the room to meet someone in their world?

I'll leave you with a story today. Recently I found myself in a situation where I had to attend an party event by myself, and I did not know anyone who was going to be there. I did not even know how the event was really going to play out. All I knew, was that I would need to step up and be able to make new friends that night, because if I wanted to be able to talk to people, have a good time, and converse with others, I was going to have to be brave. 

I arrived at the event. I walked in, and it took about 30-45 second for me to completely regret my decision. "Why the hell did I do this?... I said in my head, as I stood there wide eyed and smiling nervously. I started to walk towards the side of the room, while I reached in my purse for my phone. "Reach for your phone.. make it look like you're doing something." I told myself. "Wow toria, way to go...thinking you are brave.. " 

I walked behind a large group of girls who were standing there talking. "If I stand over here, on my phone, (I thought.) maybe it will seem like I am not a fool who got herself into this incredibly vulnerable situation..."

"Hi! I think I know you!" A sudden voice caused me to glance up from my old text messages, which I have been re-reading to seem like I was having a conversation with someone already. 

"Hi!" I answered. "I think you do! I see you on sundays don't I?" I started to feel a sense of sudden relief. 

"Yeah! So cool you're here! ..Did you come with anybody?" She asked.

"No, I am here by myself tonight." I said, with almost a bit of shame. 

"Well, Oh my gosh! Here!" she grabbed my hand, and pulled me into her group of friends, (which happened to be the group of girls I was hiding behind for safety). 

"You're not here by yourself anymore! You're here with us!" She stated. 

A little embarrassed, I took a few steps forward and looked around at these girls. I saw nothing but smiling faces, welcoming and warm, all waiting for me to say something. 

"This is Victoria." The nice girl said. "She came by herself tonight, so she is going to stick with us!"  

I took the next few minutes getting everyone's name, and where they were from. Before we all could finish with the formal introductions, the nice girl came back and said, "Let's go grab drinks and a seat before everything starts!" 

We all walked in, and that was that. If it wasn't for that girl, I would have totally been by myself, and more than likely left the event early out of fear. Her moment of courage saved my night, and made the rest of my week. Because of her kindness, I felt an overwhelming feeling of love. It not only made me realize how simple it can be to make a difference in the lives of others, but it gave me courage to do so, in the future. And who knows. It could have been awkward for her to reach out to me in the first place, but she was driven to meet the needs of others before her own. Even if I wasn't.. 

Sometimes learning to love others better takes the small steps, like this. Those steps could be a simple wave, a quick hello, or a kind moment of courage that makes someone's night. 

Be that somebody. Be there for others. Be patient. Listen. Make allowances for their faults. 

Those little things make the biggest differences. 

I swear they do.

love, 

toria.