Loving Others, Where They Already Are

Jul 20

Jul 20 Loving Others, Where They Already Are

"I feel there is nothing more genuinely artistic, than to love people." -Van Gogh

I do not know why I am always surprised, of how little I know of life, of people, and how to love them. I like to think, that I am trying to grow in this area, but am reminded everyday that I can never learn enough. If you think about it, people are one big beautiful puzzle -that never really ends.

When I think about people, I think of all the life lessons, the new perspectives gained from them, the heartache, the healing, and the never-ending drive that remains to keep pursuing them, no matter how great the pain, is something really special.

It is amazing to me, that the very thing that can cause us so much pain, is the very thing that can heal us again.

People are a never-ending study, and are about 100% of what our life consists of. Learning how to love them better should be a greater curiosity for us than it ends up being. If we are so consumed with ourselves, we will never learn anything, or get anywhere. We can only get so far, before we need to do something, or to come alongside someone else and look after them to actually learn something. Not to discount cultivating good character, and working on being a better person for yourself, but only to say that sometimes, the best way to do that is by investing in others.

Because, it is always when we are doing something that involves the investment in another person that makes us better individuals.

This past month I have been reflecting on the love that has been around me lately. I started to think of the people and the type of love they showed me when I least deserved it. The amount of selflessness they had, in the choice they made, to understand someone's 'hurt.' To sit with them, while they had to fight their way out of the battle only they could defeat. They were there to cheer them on when they made a victory, and when they failed, sat with them until they were ready to get back up and fight again.

What type of love is that?

It is most definitely one we should be in the habit of practicing more. It is selfless love.

It is loving others without an agenda.

It is loving them despite our own desires that distract us from being with them in their moment of need.

If we are honest, some of the time we can only care about others because of what they can give us in return, or because of our own agendas and priorities that motivate us to build relationships within them. But do we show other people love, simply because it is something they need? Or even better, because it is something we can give?

The past few weeks I have experienced this type of love multiple times, and I think it is worth striving to replicate- if not adopt into practice completely.

An example I will give here, is from a conversation with my past trainer (my very best blogger friend) Hope Alexander. I started as a client under Hope at the beginning of April this year. We've been texting and emailing meal plans, and workouts for about a month and a half now. Hope is great. More than great, Hope has been teaching me things about fitness and spiritual growth that has been challenging me in ways I never would have been challenged before.

Things were going great. But recently, I had sent her a text about the meal plan we had set up, and I had (guiltily) confessed to her that I was not 100% following. I had been struggling sticking to it, and I had been fighting to stay on track with the plan we had agreed to. Keep in mind, Hope is a busy girl. She is continuously pouring out love and support for others, training herself, training clients, studying, saving money, and trying to keep up with life, like the rest of us. She was spending all this time, organizing a specialized meal plan for me, a client states away, and for someone she hasn't even met before. I told her I felt like I was dishonoring her, and her commitment to help me be a better version of myself. I felt horrible. After I told her about everything, I was prepared for the oncoming shame, and the typical 'trainer wrath' and scolding for not sticking to the plan, and the push from her for more restrictions etc.

But instead- I was met with a mound of grace, and love. And met by someone who stopped, and knelt down to where I was in that moment, and made the choice to understand what I was feeling. She showed her true love for those she was investing in, by stepping into her role of a true coach, and created a space for me to be open, while she just existed with me in that moment. The moment where I was learning to love myself, fitness wise, and overall. In that moment, she chose to love me right where I was.

And it meant everything.

There was no shaming, guilt tripping, only honesty, patience, and the willingness to understand. That right there, motivated me to keep going, not only for our commitment, but for myself because of the love I felt from her. That was real love. Love that didn't have an agenda. Love that made a choice to understand, and be 100% selfless.

Bob Geoff has a book called "Love Does." It basically captures everything I am trying to say here. He describes this type of love that is selfless. That is not seasoned with underlining intentions, or ulterior motives. Love that just is. And that just freely, given.

What would happen if you lean into this idea of loving others where they already are? Most of the time, that is the one type of love that will motivate them the most. People just need someone to be there for them in that moment, so they can jump right back up again. I know for me at least, that is all I needed.

That day, I walked away with not only a new sense of what loving others can look like, but what happens when you are simply there for others, in their moment. The motivation I had to rise from that failure was so much greater than it would have been, if she would have met me with a different type of love. I use Hope as an example, but there has been a few times, and a few different people who have displayed this type of love that is selfless.

The truth is, God can do incredible things in people's hearts when we get our own agenda's out of the way, and just create a space for others who are hurting- just to be.

Because in that there is the opportunity to overcome.

To heal.

To learn.

And to experience real love.

And that is what I am trying to remember. We should love others, where they are. And not where we wish they would be.

Loving others, for where they already are is sometimes the biggest measure of support we can give them.